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Stocking-Stuffers for Grinches and Biotches

17 December 2011 10 Comments

I am almost done wrapping Christmas gifts, so the only thing left to do is fill the Christmas stockings, virtual ones that is. Help me check my list and feel free to add or subtract if you like.

Newt Gingrich: Funny how that last name so resembles the name “Grinch.” Because Newt is such a war-monger, he gets a tiny GI Joe and some plastic tanks to play with. Maybe that will keep him from starting a nuclear war.

Mitt Romney: Mitt gets a pair of yellow flip-flops!

Michelle Bachmann: Any woman who smiles as much as she does during serious debates gets a Frownie Tee-shirt to help her remember that these are times when many people are hurting. Wipe that freaking smile off your face!

Rick Perry: This man gets Cliff Notes on how to keep your foot out of your mouth, plus a global map so he can learn geography and names of countries vs. continents.

Jerry Sandusky: I cannot call him a man but I will give him a free trip to a Harley convention where the big boys can take care of him.

Congress: I am giving them a one month pass to live in a middle class neighborhood so they can stand in line at the food bank and think of creative ways to balance an empty bank account. While they are gone, their homes will be foreclosed, pensions taken away, and they will have lost their medical benefits. Santa doesn’t like mean.

Some Female Acquaintances: You get reindeer doo-doo for mistaking my kindness as a weakness and trying to bully me into submission of your ridiculous ways. I will also attach a copy of  How to Win Friends and Influence People. Biotches, I know you by your names. Careful what you wish for.

 

Happy Holidays!

 

—cher

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