For far too long in history, women have been perceived as chattel, disposable and expendable. This past year we witnessed uprisings in the Middle East during their Arab Spring. Women often fought along side men to oust oppressive regimes. In Bahrain, however, women are still at risk of torture and rape. Yemen women played activists roles in toppling President Saleh, yet still fight vigorously to keep demands for their rights. Libyan women face a multitude of challenges in the face of change so that they may have access to education and basic human rights. Women in Egypt who protested during the Arab Spring now have forced virginity tests. They have been subjected to discrimination, violence, and harassment. And let us not forget the brutal rapes of women and children that continue in the DRC.  

The film, Women as Enemy, is a documentary report produced by Susan Sacirbey, directed by Muhamed Sacirbey for the UN Refugee Agency, and released by DiplomaticallyIncorrect.org. We can see some of these women and hear accounts from those who are seen as the enemy in their countries. Some are displaced without food, shelter, and without rights. All have aspirations of basic human rights for safety, education, and protection from violence. One line in this film was particularly striking, “When it was too hard to talk, they drew pictures of their worst fears: harassment, violence, abuse.”

This short film is brilliantly done, simplistic in its lack of drama as it allows us to absorb the voices of women who deserve to be perceived, not as the enemy, but rather as an integral part of their societies. Their need for obstacles against accessing education must be heard. Their need for social justice must be heard. And their cry against economic vulnerability must be heard. Please watch this short video and listen to them. Share this video, and with it the dreams of women in peril.

(Double click on the arrow for preview)
—cher

Watch more on Film Annex

William Butler Yeats wrote, “The innocent and the beautiful have no enemy but time.” Sadly, this is not the case for our youth today, nor it seems, has it been the case for our children for far too many years. Many of our children have not been allotted “time” to be innocent. The revelations and allegations about former Penn State coach Jerry Sandusky have made us aware once again that children are far too often victims of prey. And this is certainly not limited to Penn State, or other college football teams. It is not even limited to the U.S.

This past week  Theoren Fleury, a former Calgary Flame hockey player, stated to reporters, “When are we going to finally take a look at this and say, ‘Enough is enough?’ ” Fleury’s former NHL coach Graham James pleaded guilty to sexually assaulting Fleury between 1983 and 1985 when he was coaching Fleury.  Canadian Fleury went on, “Are our children’s lives worth nothing? Is their safety worth nothing?”

Beyond sports we can look to teachers who have been caught sexting their underage students. We can look at the Catholic Church that stood silent and in subterfuge while priests were molesting altar boys. We can look at babysitters who took advantage of those children entrusted with their care at day care facilities. For that matter, we can also look to Atlanta Bishop Eddie Long, the head of a mega-church, who has been accused of coercing young men in his congregation to have sex with him. Where does it stop?

I fear for children of today. If I were younger and knew all of this, I would probably decide not to have children rather than risk their innocence at the hands of these degenerates. When I was raising my children, I encouraged them to be active in youth groups at the church. I encouraged my sons to participate in sports. I had long believed that if children were involved in healthy, structured activities, they would fare better both as students and in society. Were they safe? Do I know everything?

I do know that child molestation appears to be turning into an epidemic. The institutions once trusted to care for our children are now on trial as destroying them, and some in these institutions are guilty by being silent and therefore complicit. We must look at these issues and from whence they originate. Should all children be home-schooled? Mine would have been if I knew this was happening.

I was watching a crime show the other evening. It involved the investigation of a child molester. One of the characters said that if he ‘caught this guy, he would cut off his testicles.’  His partner said, “That won’t work. It’s a disease of the mind.” Precisely. This is a disease that needs to be stamped out. Voices need to be heard without fear, shame, guilt, or ramifications. Our children deserve their “time” to be innocent. It is encumbent upon each of us to be certain that happens. This epidemic is spreading. Guard your children well.

—cher

As a resident of Pennsylvania, I always wanted to attend Penn State. My first foray there was to compete in a forensics tournament. I stayed at the Nittany Lion Inn and was completely awestruck by the beauty of the campus. Even then the name of Joe Paterno, JoePa, was synonymous with Penn State. I did my undergrad work at another university, but did some grad work at Penn State until I started my family.  Still, I called it a home in my heart and have watched many Penn State games throughout the years. Seeing JoePa pacing the sidelines was always part of the ritual that made me smile. Now in the midst of a deeply dark scandal, Paterno’s career of 61 years has ended.  The doors to this well-insulated university have been closed to Paterno, among others. And well they should.

There is no rationalization for Paterno turning a blind eye to a pedophile on his staff who committed at least one heinous act in 2002 that Paterno was well aware of. He did a modicum of due diligence, passing it on to administrators, but little was done. Paterno had to know that.  Police were not notified and one must wonder how many of  “Joe’s Kids” were  subjected to this pedophile on his staff in the ensuing years. Perhaps now “Joe’s Kids” will begin to tell their stories.

It is so similar to the Roman Catholic Church. That is one of my Alma maters too. Strange how the hands of time strike and we learn the reality of institutions that place their own agendas above the safety and welfare of children. In the case of Penn State, I can only conclude that their impetus for becoming keepers of the secret revolved around money, whether it was funding or donations from alumni. Both the Catholic Church and Penn State were allowed to operate outside the realm of society’s norm in the name of an unholy alliance with money turned dubious distinction.

More than 10,000 students protested last night outside of Old Main after the trustees announced their decision to fire Paterno. Their chants were primarily, “We don’t care what anybody says. We want JoePa back,” and “One more game! We are Penn State!” The chants erupted into violence and there were several arrests. Far more disconcerting is the fact that these students, some of the best and brightest, care not about the victims. These were children who were victimized, and it happened on JoePa’s watch. They have lost their moral center. Is it any wonder? Close the door to Penn State for Paterno and his cronies. The heart’s gone out of it.

—cher

Image by heraldpost via Flickr

There are conflicting interpretations about what constitutes pornography. Perhaps we should consider how former Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart defined obscenity, “…I know it when I see it.” The same can be said of pornography, whether it is soft porn or hard-core. And like it or not, it is pervasive on the Internet. Pornography has now become a complex and contributing factor to domestic violence. Today more and more abused women are reporting that their abuser regularly views pornography on the Internet.

Kay Card, Director of  Safe Harbor Women’s Shelter stated, “Pornography is a cancer. Women can’t compete with the Internet. They report that their abuse starts with put-downs, progresses to physical abuse, sexual abuse and rape.  They {abusers} appear to be living normal lives, but you don’t know what people are doing in the middle of the night.”

Women’s rights groups have stated for years that pornography objectifies women and that rape and domestic violence increase exponentially as the abuser is exposed to pornography. Whether it is sexually explicit or subliminal, the effect is often the same. Women are presented in scenarios of degradation, humiliation, and dehumanized. Let’s face it; porn is intended for effect to produce sexual arousal and actions by the consumer. And the effects can be frightening.

There is a critical link to sex and violent crimes. And no, women cannot compete with what their husband or significant other sees on the Internet. How long will it take before a man takes a pornographic fantasy and attempts to turn it into reality? Will he rape? Will he become a pedophile? Think of vulnerable adolescents who can readily view this on the Internet and then carry these acts into adulthood as a norm of sexual relations. Do we want our daughters to believe that that objectification and possible subsequent violence are norms to be accepted?

Those of us who write on the Internet need to be cautious of the material we present. One never knows who will be reading any particular site. While there are no particular rules, is it not incumbent upon us to submit appropriate material that does not spiral into domestic violence?

I once heard a priest say that it is not the sin itself that is so bad. It is the ripple effects, those spin-offs of which we may not be aware, that cause horrendous damage. I would therefore ask bloggers to use caution. There is much good information on the Internet. There is also a large quantity of scurrilous material that can ultimately lead to domestic violence. Do not be a party to domestic violence through those ripples of obscenity or pornography.

—cher

Almost two years ago the call came. My father, then 91, was in an assisted living home. He was dying. His lady friend of almost 25 years was there at his side, as were two of my children. My son spoke. I listened. “He wants to see you, Mom. He doesn’t have long. He said he wants to tell you he loves you.”  With barely a pause and without affect I said, “No. I won’t be coming. Thanks for calling. Glad you are there.” A deep breath. No tears. Stuffed emotions? I don’t know. I resumed whatever it was I had been doing and put Him (the father) out of my mind. I did not attend his (the father’s) funeral.

Rewinding to childhood, I had none. No bid for pity, this. That’s just the way it was.  He (my father) was an alcoholic. Mother could not deal with it and withdrew from my brother and me. I was the older sibling and my brother, so traumatized by the parental fights, and the battering of my mother and me, began to stammer. He could not speak for himself. I became his voice, his protector, his only cheerleader at softball games and for all intent, his only parent. And when my father, a 6’2″ man, punched me on the left side of my head, blood squirted from my ear, taking with it some of my hearing on that side, and my brother cried into his pillow for hours.

There was more, of course, much more. There were His (the father’s) suicide attempts when my mother said she was leaving. In guilt she stayed and was prisoner to his, okay (I concede)…illness. But when he would go into DT’s it was I who had to ride in the ambulance. It was I who sat all-night vigils at the hospital. Countless times. Many suicide attempts. I was sixteen and counting each moment till I could leave either this earth or that house. He (the father) was committing domestic violence and in his own way was a terrorist within our family.

When I left for college, and then when my brother left, my mother told us she was divorcing Him (the father). “Why, Mom? Why now after all the damage has been done?” That was my response to her. Callous and cold. She fared well. She landed a lucrative job and had a prestigious career. My brother and I did not fare quite so well. We had a label. Adult Children of Alcoholics, ACOA. My primary issue was fear of abandonment, a common issue I later learned. My brother’s was a drive to succeed, to be the best in all he did. And career-wise, he accomplished that. Several years ago he committed suicide. We had both been taught to live on crumbs of love, and so it carried into our relationships until the crumbs could sustain him no longer. And lest we forget, he had a fine role model in Him (the father) who had practiced suicide with good measure.

And if you think this issue of alcohol is relegated to poor people of meager intellect, I will tell you that (He) my father was quite intelligent and we lived in a very stately house. Note the lack of use of the word home. In those days, however, it was a closet issue. Neighbors did not know. Extended family members were in denial. My only 911 call was going to Mass every Sunday and taking my brother with me.

Years later my father got sober and practiced the 12-Step program. He asked me for forgiveness. I gave Him (the father) forgiveness to relieve my own soul more than his. So why could I not go to his bedside when he was dying? For some strange reason the answer came to me yesterday. He was dying, yes. More to the point he was abandoning me. Again. My fractured ego could not bear witness to that. I still deal with all the ramifications, but he (the father) is now at rest and hopefully in peace. I made the sign of the cross and said, “Amen.”

—cher

When my children were growing up they had many friends and most of them frequently came to our house to hang out, especially on nights when I was serving pasta. One of my children told me of a friend called “Little Bit”. I asked why she was called this and he answered, well, she’s little and she likes to cut herself a little bit. Little Bit never came to the house. She was what is known as a “cutter” and was imprisoned in her own home and within her own emotional turmoil. I spoke with my child who knew her, told him about cutting and that this girl needed help. He did take her to a few sessions at a psychiatric unit, but she stopped going. Little Bit died.

The reasons behind cutting are many and often difficult to understand. Cutting is a way that some people, often teenagers, use to cope with the pain of intense emotions of abuse, rejection, desperation, grief, bullying, and sexual molestation. Their coping skills may be overpowered by emotions that are so strong, the only way they know to ease the pain is through self-inflicted wounds. In some strange manner it gives them a sense of control, perhaps the only control they have over the emotions raging within them.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. My plea is that if you are a parent of a child who is exhibiting signs of cutting, get them help. Do not go into denial yourself because this child’s life is at risk. Today’s children face untold pressure. We need to make them aware that there is help, that their abuse can be stopped, and we must see to it that the perpetrator is punished through the legal system.

Little Bit was a cutter who died. Think of her if you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence. Please call 1-800-799-SAFE-(7233). If it involves a perpetrator in the home, use the phone of a friend.  Save these children as well as women who are victims of heinous acts.  

—cher

“In innocence there is no strength against evil,” wrote author Ursula K. Le Guin in the novel The Farthest Shore. When we happen upon a circumstance in which a child may be in danger, our sensory perceptions need to be in high gear. There must be clarity of thought, a process of deliberation followed, and all emotions set aside lest they impede the haste required of the moment.

I was working as a fraud Investigator for a government agency. Cases were assigned by geographical territory designated for each Investigator. Within your designated territory, it was not uncommon to develop a rapport with local police departments, upon which you might call for information, though I had a gold shield which gave me a rank of authority equivalent to police Captains. All I had been told was that there were questions about the validity of residence of a five year old girl.

DAY ONE:

I drove over sixty miles to get to the address of record given for this child. I knocked on the door and a man answered. There was something about him that sent hackles up my spine. He stared at me through Buddy Holly glasses, but gave no hint of emotion. He neither smiled nor frowned, something people usually did when I showed up at their door with my badge. Instincts on alert, I asked if little “Jane Doe” lived here.  He answered, “Yeah,” and held the door open for me to come in.

Sweeping the living room with my eyes, I saw a woman sitting on the living room sofa and a little girl, diminutive in size for a five year old, cowering off to the corner. Her light blonde hair had been cut like a boy’s and she was wearing boy’s clothing. I asked the man if that was his daughter “Jane.” He said she was and quickly sent her upstairs to her room. I asked whether the woman was the child’s mother. He said no and that her mother was “somewhere in Florida.” I asked to see the child’s birth certificate and social security card. He didn’t have them. The man abruptly left the room.

The woman on the sofa motioned for me to come close. She lit a cigarette, held it in a shaking hand and whispered to me. She told me she was the girlfriend but was getting out of there. “He’s doing terrible things, bad things to that kid,” she said. We heard rattling in kitchen drawers. She looked startled. All I thought of was knives in the kitchen. I stood and quickly went to the door. “You need to get your daughter proper ID since she should be starting school and that’s a requirement.” He nodded. I thanked him and left.

I drove around the corner and called Headquarters. I was a mandated reporter of suspected child abuse. Procedures had to be followed. Once I had notified child protective services, I called the local police department. The Officers looked up father and found two outstanding warrants, one in my state and the other in Florida. I told them why I suspected abuse and feared he was getting ready to flee the state with this child. A plan was put in place.

DAY TWO:

The police did not want me to go back to the house alone. I advised them I had to for the child’s safety so the father would not be alerted. “Well, then we’ll have two cars parked around the corner and protective services will be there too.” My overwhelming concern was that this guy had already taken off with the child.

I went to the door and he answered. I handed him application forms for a social security card and said they might help him get the card quickly. It was a ruse, but I was able to see that both he and “Jane” were still there. I smiled, left and drove to the police waiting around the corner with protective services. I then went to my office—-and waited by the phone.

Two hours later, the police called and said they had the father in custody and the child was with protective services. “You were right,” they said. Later that day protective services called and told me the wretched conditions under which “Jane” had been living and the heinous things the father had done to her. Mother’s location was unknown but she had a history of drug abuse and incarceration. “Jane” was to be placed with a relative of good standing. It was over.

It was then that my human emotions kicked in. I was trembling. What if he had gotten away with her? Will she be all right? What kind of bastard does these things, especially to his own child? I left my office early that day. I needed to recuperate. When I returned the following morning, there was a stack of new cases on my desk to be investigated.

—cher

Chris Crowstaff lives in South West England with her husband Andrew and has founded a global outreach called Women For A Change (WFAC). Chris has stated, “This is the most important work I have done in my life.” Her message of empowerment for women is inspirational with heart that reaches out to raise awareness and give voices to those who have not been able to do so themselves. Part of the mission statement of WFAC, which is a non-profit organization, reads, “We campaign to improve policy and attitudes relating to women and girls. By listening to women who suffer from oppression and injustice throughout the world, we ensure that the voices of the silent are heard.” The following is my interview with Christine Crowstaff:

Cher: Can you tell us a little about your background?

Chris: My Mum comes from a whole line of activists and radicals, many of them women, who in some way sacrificed their lives for something they believed in. Many of them were actually missionaries. I’m proud of the fact that they were willing to face huge challenges in doing so. I’ve been brought up on the story that we are descended from Anne Askew of Henry VIII’s time, who was the only woman tortured in the Tower of London. She was eventually burned at the stake. She was a radical feminist at the time, preaching about the ‘spirit within’ and women’s rights and handing out literature. I’m not sure we’re really descended from her, but the story made a big impact on me.

Cher: Was there a personal incident in your life that drove your activism in Women For A Change?

Chris: At my most radical phase I lived for 5 years in West Cork, Ireland. Three and a half years in a caravan on rented land with no electricity. Our son was born there by candlelight. It was a very meditational life. I read as much as I could of Taoism, Buddhism, Chang-Tzu, the Upanishads, Krishna Murti, etc! I adored our lifestyle. Then our third baby died at birth. My husband got seriously mentally ill for a while. I got divorced and later remarried to the lovely Andrew. We spent our honeymoon in the Middle East and then Uganda. We now live in the countryside in South West England. Regarding women, my baby dying rubbed it in for me completely that however much we want to be the same as men, we are different. We have an inherent sense of responsibility, of cause and effect. What for a man can be a fleeting moment of pleasure, for a woman can be a life-changing event.

Cher: Specifically, who are “the voices of the silent” you address in your Mission statement?

Chris: Women of the outlying villages in DR Congo, who Bahati (wife of Mugisho Theophile) our DR Congo representative is visiting. When Andrew and I visited Uganda it was arranged for us to visit women’s groups in outlying areas. Really outlying. I didn’t know such places still existed, places where we were the first white people they’d seen; where they rarely got any visitors; where they’d never even visited the nearest town. They had no radio, no electricity. Their needs are massive. They have very little knowledge of how the outside world lives.

We are working with a very young woman (who came across our site) who underwent FGM (female genital mutilation), and who didn’t know till a month ago that FGM is controversial, though she still has nightmares about the experience. We are also working to help a woman in India whose twin daughters were, and still are, victims of threatened gendercide. For women to tell their stories, and be listened to and validated, is in itself empowering and therapeutic. By connecting women with each other, there is so much which can be done to change the situation. In fact, a better question might be ‘whose are the voices heard’! Because I think there are very few women in the world who feel their voices are truly heard. We’ve only to look at the massive under-representation of women at major conferences, women involved in conflict resolution, women leaders.

Cher: Can you cite some specific cases in which women have been empowered by this activism?

Chris: There is a lovely Mother Theresa quote which says, “People are hungrier for love than they are for bread.” It is so easy for women to feel alone in their struggles. For women to simply know that other women care about them is also, in itself, empowering. Our bi-line is connect, support and empower. In Uganda, for example, we connected Grace and her women’s group with NGO’s who meet weekly in a hospital there. In the Middle East, Israeli women have been connecting through our network with each other and with Palestinian women.

Cher: What are some of the other organizations with which you collaborate?

Chris: It is important to connect groups and organizations to raise their profile so that people know where to turn for help and so the funders know they are there, and to campaign for more funding to go to such organizations (in line with the UN 1993 resolution—which forms the basis for our major 2011 campaign). Where there are no existing organizations or groups, we help women set them up. Such a group is our Affiliate in Cameroon, WFAC Buea—a group of empowered young Cameroonian women based at Buea University. They deal with highly sensitive issues like the horrendous process of  ‘breast ironing’ to keep women’s breasts smaller and flatter. We have Associate groups in Rwanda, Kenya, Pakistan, India and the USA. We also have key volunteers based in Brazil, Indonesia, Australia, Switzerland and Nigeria, to name a few.

Cher: How can people join your efforts to combat injustice toward women?

Chris: Everyone can do something. Everyone who supports our campaign needs to endorse it. For those who are online, that is easy. To reach those who are not online, we have petition forms which can be printed off. For people who have more time, we have an online volunteers centre. Our volunteers have the chance to get further involved with our campaign by helping to get endorsements, by advising about advocacy, by helping to collect material for our webzine, and many other ways. Women can join our online ethical social network, WFAC World, which has over 700 members, and which is a very ‘safe space for women’ to offer each other help.

Cher: I see there is a donate button on your site, and that you are a non-profit organization. Can you tell us how that money will be used to combat these issues?

Chris: Donations for our campaign can be made through our website via Paypal. All donations for our work go into one central fund in the name of The Women For A Change International Foundation, the NGO behind the campaign. Donations are used for our infrastructure. Running costs are very low indeed, as is our ‘carbon footprint.’  Once our running costs are covered, then funds will go toward employing staff, creating ethical employment for disadvantaged women, expanding our databases, further promoting our Associate groups and setting up WFAC chapters in other countries.

I thank Christine for taking her valuable time and consenting to this interview. She is a remarkable and magnanimous person who gives selflessly of her time in her efforts to empower women worldwide. Please take a moment to look at the WFAC widget here. If you have one hour to donate or some interest in furthering this cause, please contact Christine Crowstaff through that site.

—cher

Fifteen year old Phoebe Price had moved with her family from Ireland to South Hadley, Massachusetts. As with all teenagers, she wanted to fit in. That was not to happen. Reports from Northwestern Districts Attorney Elizabeth D. Scheibel stated , “Phoebe spent her last day alive tormented by classmates at school. Some of the bullies taunted her and threatened her as she walked home. Their conduct far exceeded the limits of normal teenage relationship- related quarrels. The investigation revealed relentless activity directed toward Phoebe designed to humiliate her and make it impossible for her to remain at school.”  Phoebe’s plight ended when she hanged herself in a closet in the stairway leading to her family’s house.  She was found by her twelve year old sister.

Three of the nine classmates charged in connection with Phoebe’s death will be tried as adults. That is as it should be. Two of the three are 18 years old and are charged with statutory rape. A 17 year old girl has been charged with criminal harassment. The investigation continues and others may be charged.  What drives these children to such heinous acts?

Some reports speculate that bullies are looking for attention and that this is a way to be more popular. Some may come from families in which anger and lack of positive resolution is the norm. Most bullies do not care about the feelings of others, and consequences of these acts do not enter their minds. While most schools have anti-bullying policies, this wretched behavior continues. Perhaps teachers and parents need to be better trained to recognize the sign and symptoms. Influences abound in the lives of teenagers, not the least of which is what they put on the Internet and social media such as Facebook, where you are considered not “in” unless you have a page there.

Certainly Phoebe has not been the only suicide committed as a result of bullying. The numbers are increasing and this is an issue which must be addressed. Personally, I would hold the parents of minors whose children are bullies accountable.  Make them ante up for their lack of parenting.

For this situation to end in the desperate act of suicide is achingly painful to think about. Children driving other children to end their lives so the taunting will stop is unacceptable. To parents I would say, listen to your child. Let them know they are not alone. Alert authorities that your child is being subjected to this. Find social groups such as sports or other school activities for you child to become involved. Statistics state that when teens who hang out in groups of two or more, they are less likely to be bullied. And hold schools accountable. Attend school board meetings and demand that all are aware and proactive in fighting this horrendous behavior.

Finally, if your child exhibits suicidal thoughts or behavior, contact National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 or National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-784-2433.

“If I ruled the world, every heart would have a new song to sing….”

—cher

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• Is your child being bullied? How to help (cnn.com)
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My parents found me to be an anomaly. They were both considered good looking and attractive people. My mother had a style that attracted a plethora of friends. My father’s Irish wit drew many as he told Celtic stories and sang in an Irish tenor voice to those he entertained. My brother was beautiful, gifted with my father’s blue eyes and my mother’s brown hair, as well as her intellect. He was stellar in all he did and rose to the pinnacle of corporate success by age 30.

I on the other hand, was skinny, had to work hard for good grades, had unruly naturally curly hair, was shy, and had a long nose. My parents pitied me and disdained me at the same time. I was not, in their estimation, a proper representative of them as an off-spring. My mother tried her best to dissuade me from going to college, though I had been accepted at several. She believed I was meant to be a secretary.

Through my childhood years, both parents became alcoholics and abusive to me verbally and physically. By default, I became their caretaker and my brother’s. “They give us crumbs for love,” my brother would say, and I would hug him through his stuttering speech brought about by the trauma of parents in the bottle. To the outside world we were an upscale family and good Catholics, though only my brother and I went faithfully to mass. I had determined that since I had no “parents” I would look to God to be my Father, invisible and thinking me lovely. Deo gracias.

I went to college sans my mother’s consent and found a love for learning. I earned a degree in Education as the job market for secretaries diminished.

Time went on. I did have a successful career and attained at least a modicum of recognition there. To those men who told me they loved me, I was grateful that my mother had been proved wrong. It turned out that subliminally I had attracted men who were much like my father, and I left those relationships. Deo gracias.

With my career success, I was able to afford a nose job and I straightened my hair with straightening irons. I began to feel less unlovely. I also learned to reach out to those less fortunate than I. It gave me a measure by which I could thank my Father, whom I knew was carrying me in the palm of His hand. Deo gracias.

They are all gone now. Parents died from the consequences of their lifestyles and my poor brother committed suicide. He never found enough crumbs to sustain him. And I am here. Somehow I survived the abuse and the love with-held. The “unlovely” one remains, but why? I search my soul each day and ponder this. It should have been my brother who survived, not me. Perhaps the abuse fortified me, but it was God who sustained me. Deo gracias.

“Survival of the fittest,” my mother used to say to me and I am quite certain she did not see me as being fit. This is just one of the millions of survival stories out there. Self-awareness, and ridding one’s self of self-loathing can be done. For me it was faith in a God whom I cannot see, but I know exists. Deo gracias.

March 8th is designated as International Women’s Day. Please consider the importance of the women in your life. Help them to feel lovely for their hearts and minds. Care for them as God would and reach out to those who have been cast asunder as being unlovely.

—cher

Lost Tears

In the United States, every 9 seconds a woman is battered. This most often happens at the hands of her husband or boyfriend. There are many contributing factors, not the least of which is a lagging economy in which a wife or girlfriend becomes the target of the abuser’s frustration. Another factor is kindred to Pavlov’s dog theory of classical conditioning. If a person was abused as a child, they are more likely to become abusive as adults. As sons watch fathers commit these heinous acts, it becomes a learned behavior, a cultural phenomenon which must be addressed. Perhaps it is worthy to note that there are nearly three times as many animal shelters here as there are shelters for battered women. This violence, however, is not limited to the United States.

The United Nations Population Fund reports that so-called “honor killings” take the lives of thousands of young women every year, mainly in North Africa, Western Asia and parts of South Asia. Often it happens within Islamic families, though “honor-killings” are not a tenant of that faith. The woman may have committed adultery, may have been raped or dressed inappropriately, thereby bringing shame to her family. The result is her murder at the hands of her husband or family. From this, a yet another phenomenon has evolved.

A startling number of “honor suicides” has emerged in Turkey. This is a process whereby a woman who ostensibly shamed her family, chooses to commit suicide under pressure from her family so they may avoid penalties for murdering her. The New York Times reported that some suicides appeared in Kurdish-inhabited regions of Turkey. A special envoy for the United Nations was sent to Turkey to investigate suspicious suicides among Kurdish girls. The Times stated that these suicides were “honor killings disguised as suicide or accident.” The true numbers of these occurrences may never be known.

In yet another country, over 80 women in the Iraqi province of Diyala committed suicide to escape the shame of being raped. What is even more horrific is that a 51 year old Iraqi woman named Samira Jassim confessed to Iraqi police that she had organized these rapes. She then persuaded each of the women that to become a suicide bomber was the only way to escape their shame.

While global terror is on the international stage for consideration, we must raise awareness that terror, unfortunately, often begins in the home and it is women who suffer dire consequences with no stage, no shelter and too little attention. Women are not objects. Women are human beings who deserve rights accorded to them through international human rights laws and within the courts of our global conscience.

International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women

See how you can help. This cause is being sponsored for 16 days beginning Nov. 25th through Bloggers Unite.

—cher

As a Private Investigator and former social worker, I have witnessed both the physical and emotional lacerations of domestic violence. It is the call police officers dread and one that often puts them in imminent danger. To their credit, they do respond. It is the case some Investigators are reluctant to take because it exposes the darkest side of human behavior. Many do take the case on the chance that a life may be saved or at least taken out of harm’s way. Some victims just need validation of their feelings that something is “off.” They need to recalibrate their emotions and find a door to safety.

Statistics have shown that in bad economic times, domestic violence can spike as much as 33 percent, a staggering figure. It also transcends social backgrounds and no neighborhood is immune. In these downward economic times there is a confluence of loss of income, loss of self-esteem, loss of control and domestic violence. The correlation is one we must look at with concern. Too often death is the outcome.

If you think you are a victim of domestic violence, you probably are. It takes many forms but the basic element is one of controlling through fear. Abuse takes many forms including physical, sexual, psychological and economic. Isolation is a key factor. If you are being kept from friends and family, you may feel alone with no life-raft and paralyzed to seek help. But know this: help is available and you do have options.

If you or your children are in immediate danger, do not wait. Dial 911. If you are in the Pittsburgh region and need help or counselling, the following are two suggestions: (1) Women’s Center and Shelter of Greater Pittsburgh 412-687-8005 or 1-877-338-8255; (2) Center For Victims of Violence and Crime 412-392-8582. Outside this region there is the National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).

Your life is worth saving.