Honesty: An Elusive Character Trait
Robert E. Lee once wrote, “The real honest man is honest from conviction of what is right.” I have been grappling with the issue of honesty these last several years, both from a business perspective and personally. On more than one occasion I have heard people say, “This country is going to hell in a hand basket.” It is an old canard, but when I hear that phrase, I have to wonder why we seem to have lost that proverbial moral compass. In my mind the answer is a lack of honesty, a word closely aligned with integrity.
The American Heritage Dictionary defines honesty as “the capacity or condition of being honest; integrity; trustworthiness; not lying, cheating or taking unfair advantage.” In our daily endeavors, however, lying has become mainstream. I am not going to delve into the political realm on this because that is merely a reflection of our own character and what we have become conditioned to accept as the norm.
Within our business settings and in our personal lives, a lack of honesty is a complete detriment to our growth as individuals and can have devastating repercussions. In one of the businesses I have owned, for example, I nearly lost much of my financial investment because those in whom I had placed my trust, sold goods “out the back door.” I had an antique shop which was open 12 hours a day; six days a week. There was no way I could possibly be in the shop all those hours. I had to value estates that were being sold, and then hold the sale, orchestrated with security and attending personnel who worked for me so that eyes were everywhere. I had to hunt for antiques, and attend auctions. Somewhere in between, I needed to refinish any antique furniture I had purchased in order to pay my employees, pay taxes, advertise and make a profit in a highly competitive market.
So while I was running hither and yon taking care of business, I hired a sales person to run the shop. All they had to do was sell items in the shop, keep all receipts and act in a friendly but professional manner, as they were a representative of my business. My reputation was on the line, so the latter was extremely important. When one is in business, reputation is everything.
The day came when I realized that I had been cheated and lied to by an employee whom I had hired because we had been friends for a number of years. I trusted her with my shop and with my reputation. But she had sold valuable merchandise “out the back door,” which meant there was no receipt and no paper trail of any transaction. She had kept all the money from the sale giving customers ‘deals’ if they paid in cash. By the time I realized that my trust in her had been violated and that she had not been honest with me, a business in which I had invested my heart, not to mention my money, nearly closed. I terminated her employment and that of several others. Her dishonesty cost not only me, but innocent by-standers.
“In innocence there is no strength against evil,” wrote author Ursula K. Lee Guin. I had innocently placed my trust in a friend who nearly ruined my business and completely ruined our friendship. It was an evil deed. To say that I was chagrined or disheartened does not convey that wrenching feeling of betrayal I felt. That was the most devastating of all. And it all comes down to one word: honesty, a most elusive character trait.
—cher
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Strange that the loss of something that vital can be so endlessly missed by people who choose to behave so badly. I would love to see a return to honesty and innocence. Great Article
Interesting discussion…I think about this topic frequently especially how it plays into the almighty seductress Greed which seems to often be the root cause of lost integrity. What do you think? Found you in Blog Catalog via Klahanie.
Beth,
People behave badly for any number of reasons, most of which are self-serving. Character must be instilled at an early age, I think. If it is not, then people never truly accept the consequences of their actions. Thanks so much for the kind words and the RT! You are such a marvelous person, not to mention great artist.
The Snee,
First, thank you for finding us from one of the best blogs on BlogCatalog, Klahanie. Your statement about the “seductress Greed” says it in a nutshell. People get greedy, and not necessarily out of desperation, but rather from a complete lack of integrity and trying to make gains in ill-begotten manners. Integrity is truly something to value in others. I see it often enough so that I am not completely jaded, but I have become wary. My mother had a saying that “the truth will out.” Eventually we see it, but sometimes much damage has been done in the interim.
Thanks so much for stopping by. Hope to see you again.
Honesty is so broad; it is part of every little detail of our lives and is indeed the basis of a good life. You’ve hit the nail of the head.
Chris J,
You’re so right. Honesty is so integral to our lives, especially if we want quality of life. Who has time for games and manipulation?
The lure of easy money or “something fo nothing” can corrupt a lot of people.
I had a similar story when I was a record store manager. Some of the employees I hired were facilitating the theft of a great deal of merchandise by another party. Their actions didn’t come to light until after I had moved on to another store, and unfortunately, it was left to the next manager, a friend of mine, to deal with. I always felt horrible about that. But even more, I was furious at the A-holes that could look me in the eye and smile, then rip me off as soon as I’d leave for the night.
Cher, it sucks that you were manipulated by a close friend. We work with friends for the very reason that we can let our guards down a bit–and it hurts that much more when they take advantage it.
I can’t go along with the Tea Party crowd, however, who romanticize the past as some utopian dream that is slipping away–a time when everyone was honest and upright. Past centuries had just as much racism, greed, manipulation, and exploitation as we do today, if not more. My grandfather used to tell stories of chasing con men off his dairy farm who were trying to dupe uneducated farmers into one scheme or another. Dishonesty and deceit has been around ever since there’s been money to be had.
Today, I guess there are just more and easier ways to do it… what with the internet and credit cards and email and such. Personally, I don’t think mankind’s heart is any darker these days; I just think that we’re all a lot more anonymous.
You can learn from it and be guarded, but you can’t let it affect your view of people. I find that most of them still are honest and will do the right thing.
bluzdude,
I’m so sorry you went through that. Fraud in business is costly; fraud in personal relationships is devastating. You had been duped and so had I. The best we can do is learn from those experiences and to be cautious without becoming jaded. It’s such a fine line, isn’t it?
Carpetbagger,
I agree with you about romanticizing the past. Deceit has been around since Adam and Eve, hasn’t it? While The Internet is of much value to us, we need to be cautious as it also facilitates fraud. On the other hand, through blogging, I have “met” some wonderful people like you and others who comment here, and it makes life grand. There is a famous line from Blanche DuBois in the play “Streetcar Named Desire,” in which she says, “I have always depended on the kindness of strangers.” Sometimes quality friendships develop in what would seem the most unlikely places. Thank you for being a person we value.
Dear Cher,
It saddens me to read that your trust was betrayed. There are those who will prey and take advantage of kind and decent folk such as your good self.
This is a lack of dignity, respect and morals of any value from that person. I have been involved in Organisations where I was made privy to corruption and misappropriation of funding. In fact, I got caught up between underhanded dealings where one Organisation was lying about the truth to the other. I got caught in the middle and it had a severe impact in my own mental health recovery. This happened when I worked for a mental health charity. My morals dictated that I could no longer be a part of what was going on. I wish I was brave enough to report such dishonest behaviour. The last time I reported a Company for dishonest behaviour, I paid the consequences and lost my job.
At least, I can honestly say, that my morals are noble and I have a clear conscience. I wonder if that former employee, at least, has some form of remorse. We live in hope.
Thank you for those very kind words in a previous comment on this topic. Much appreciated.
With respect, Gary.
Dear Gary,
You are indeed a noble man. You did the right thing. How unfortunate that there were unjust consequences, but you can be at peace, knowing you were honorable. I have learned that we cannot control the actions of others, but we can control our actions and reactions. It is people like you who give me hope, dear friend.
There is nothing worse than betrayal, because it’s always someone dear to your heart.
Honesty must be taught, because right and wrong is often gray.
One of The Guys,
Betrayal in business and with a friend was a set-back, to be sure. What was the CSNY SONG? “Teach Your Children Well.” It’s a good lesson, Guys.
Honesty I believe is an inside job. I used to believe I was honest, i didn’t steal, didn’t avoid paying my bills or taxes, I truly believed I was an upstanding person. Rubbish. I was totally dishonest. Honesty means integrity and that requires our outward thoughts and actions being in congruence with our inner self and feelings. I would act a certain way but inside feel resentful or self-pitying. Took me an awful lot of pain and growth to get to the point where i am true to myself. I no longer people please, try to win approval, if I can sleep at night knowing i have been true to myself, well then I have been honest with others. Your business colleagues dishonesty will one day come back and bite them extrememly hard on the nose. Dishonesty attracts dishonesty. Painful lessons to learn.
Ladygoodwood,
You bring up a most salient point and that is that too often we are involved with trying to please people. It does indeed take pain and deep introspection if one is to move beyond that. While pain in life is difficult, it provides us with choices in re-routing our persona for the better or to be on the track of self-pity, as you aptly described. Your insights are profound and I am so so happy you weighed in on this issue.
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